Good morning, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Rachel. No, I don't think we've met. But, you probably know my twin brother, Thomas. What's that you say? You knew Thomas was called "the twin" but you'd never thought about who he was the twin of? It doesn't surprise me. After all, he is the famous one. The funny thing is he's famous for being a doubter. I would never have called him that...he was always the believer...it was me who doubted.

Thomas was with Jesus almost from the beginning. He kept trying to get me to come along but I just couldn't. The things Jesus taught, the things Thomas and the others all believed in, seemed so idealistic and naïve. And so completely different from as life I experienced it.

You can't imagine what it was like. We were so poor. We depended on fishing for a living, but sometimes my father and brothers barely caught enough for us to eat, let alone enough to have any left over to sell. There was no where to turn. Certainly the Roman government was not going to look out for us...they were only interested in filling their coffers and making a name for themselves. They couldn't care less about us. We were completely "expendable" to them. What about our religion, you say? Yes, we did find some comfort there. We learned from the rabbis that God would send us a Messiah. What hope we had in him! He would come with power and might to rescue us and to defeat our oppressors. But when? We were so tired of waiting, and life was so hard in the meantime.

Then Jesus showed up reading and interpreting the scriptures in a very different way from the rabbis. He proclaimed "Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God" and "Blessed are you who are hungry, for you will be filled." What kind of talk was that? I just couldn't believe it. Thomas was hesitant at first too, but soon enough he was one of Jesus most loyal supporters.

I must admit it was tempting. Jesus sounded very charismatic. But really...how could what he was saying be true? Our rabbis didn't trust him and they'd been studying the scriptures forever. If what Jesus said was true then why didn't they tell us these things? No, I just couldn't go along with it.

But I did love hearing my brother talk about all the things he saw and did while he was with Jesus. He told me about Jesus touching a leper and making him well. I don't know what surprised me more that Jesus would touch someone so unclean, or that there was healing in touch. He also told me of a time when Jesus managed to feed a huge crowd with just a couple of fishes and a few loaves of bread. Now that was a miracle!

From Thomas I learned that Jesus really loved people. And not just the ones who were powerful or who could help him but even those who were the "lowest of the low" like women. And not just godly women either, but even the prostitutes. Now, this may come as a surprise to you but I actually know some prostitutes - that is I knew them when they were younger. Some had been nice girls who had lost their family and no other way of making a living. It was so sad to see them have to take up that profession. I was glad when Thomas told me that Jesus reached out to them.

Through his experiences with Jesus I saw my brother began to change. At first it was subtle but I could tell. You should have seen him, the way he began to talk with people. The way he began to take risks in order to help them. No one was too insignificant for Thomas to notice and care for. He became so kind. He became courageous too. He believed deep in his heart that Jesus was right, that the Kingdom of God was for all of us, and that we just needed to "seize the day". He was willing to follow Jesus anywhere because he really believed Jesus could change the world.

At one point when Jesus, Thomas and the others were traveling about, they got word from our friends Mary and Martha that their brother Lazarus was ill back in Judea. Thomas said Jesus didn't seem overly concerned. Still, Jesus loved Lazarus and his sisters, and so after a couple of days Jesus proposed they return to Judea. The disciples tried to discourage him saying that Judea was far too dangerous. Jesus knew as well as they did that the Jews would try to stone him to death if he went back. But Jesus was determined. It was my brother, Thomas, full of faith, who stood with Jesus and said to the others "Let us also go, that we may die with him." At that moment, Thomas' belief in Jesus seemed unshakeable. So what happened? How did he go from being courageous, loyal, faithful Thomas to doubting Thomas?

What happened was the cruel reality of the cross. Jesus died. He had been so full of life, my brother's unstoppable hero, and then he was crucified like a common criminal. This shook Thomas to the core. Of course he knew Jesus would die someday...but not now. Not just as things were getting started. Oh, I know I said he was the one who had convinced the other disciples to go back with Jesus to Judea and the risk of death by stoning, but the truth is I don't think Thomas really believed Jesus would die. Thomas knew it could get rough but he thought that Jesus would triumph. To him, Jesus was "the One", the One sent by God to save us, to bring us out of our present darkness and into the light. But the day Jesus died that light went out for Thomas all that was left was darkness.

Thomas came to see me after they took Jesus down from the cross. My twin was despondent. We talked for a while, but then Thomas went back to the other disciples. He didn't return returned home again until the third day after Jesus' death. It had been a strange and disquieting day to say the least. Thomas said Mary, who was another of Jesus followers, had come to the disciples that morning saying that she had gone to the tomb and that Jesus' body was missing. Peter and John and tore out running as fast as they could to the place where Jesus was buried, but they saw that it was true. They came back and told Thomas and the others. Things seemed to be going from bad to worse. The disciples decided they better keep the doors locked; their lives were at stake too. The Jews who killed Jesus knew who his followers were. If they wanted to stop what they called "this Jesus movement" they may try to kill his disciples also.

Not too long after Peter and John returned with the news about Jesus body being stolen, Mary, who had gone back with them to the tomb returned to the house with an another amazing story. She claimed to have seen Jesus, and that he was alive. She then proceeded to recount a conversation she had had with him. "Poor Mary, so overcome with grief that she thought she saw Jesus". The disciples tried to calm her down but she was adamant. It was at that point that Thomas just couldn't take it anymore and had returned home to tell me what had happened.

I have never seen him so down or his faith so shaken. Thomas had always been very devout. Numerous teachers and messiahs come along over the years but Thomas was always discerning and never just followed the crowd or went with somebody because they looked or sounded good.

With Jesus, Thomas listened and watched carefully. Thomas said Jesus may have gone against the rules of the Pharisees but he had never gone against God's teaching. Jesus had never gone against the commandments. And all of the healings and miracles, could those have been done by someone who was not from God? No...it would be impossible. But if Jesus was from God, how had this tragedy happened? Where was God now? And what about the Kingdom of God that was supposed to "be at hand".

Thomas was confused. He had not thrown in with Jesus lightly and it would be a long time before he would believe like that again. I felt so sorry for my brother. I wanted to console him but he wasn't ready to hear anything I had to say.

Later in evening, on that same day, the day Mary said she had seen Jesus, Thomas returned to the disciples. He wanted to see what the rest of them were planning to do. They had to get on with their lives. The disciples were still together and when Thomas got back they had an even more incredible story to tell. They claimed they too, had seen Jesus. He had shown them the nail marks in his hands and the wound from the soldiers in his side. At first Thomas thought they were just making some cruel joke, but he could see they were serious. I don't know, maybe he thought they were suffering from extreme grief like Mary. Or, maybe they he thought they just wanted it so much they convinced themselves they had seen Jesus so they could keep the group together and hope alive.

Whatever it was my twin, frustrated, tired and despairing was not about to go along. It mattered too much. Thomas couldn't build his future on an illusion and he certainly wouldn't ask others to do so. He responded to them saying, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails, and my hand in his side, I will not believe."

He came and went from me over the next week. Sometimes he would spend a day, sometimes just a few hours. He was restless; he didn't know what to do or where he was going. He thought about fishing again he just didn't have it in him. He told me he kept thinking about Jesus and all the plans they had made, how the disciples together with Jesus would help bring about God's kingdom here and now. They would travel the world teaching everyone about God's abundant love. Widows and orphans would be cared for, the sick would be healed. People would learn to respect one another and violence would not be the first response to conflict. Thomas knew it sounded idealistic and yet he had believed.

A week after the disciples first told my brother they had seen Jesus, Thomas was spending time with them again. The doors were still shut tight for of fear of the Jews. As they were talking Jesus suddenly appeared in the room saying "Peace be with you".

You could have knocked Thomas over with a feather! He was so shocked. But, Jesus looked Thomas right in the eye and with complete love and compassion said "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe." With overwhelming joy Thomas answered Jesus with the conviction that had long been in his heart saying, "My Lord and my God." Then Jesus said to Thomas, "You have believed because you have seen me, blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe".

What a day that was! Thomas came running to tell me. He thought I wouldn't believe him, but how could I not? I didn't need to see the nail prints in Jesus' hands or the wound in his side. I looked at my brother and saw Jesus' face. Thomas didn't understand that I had already come to believe in Jesus. The odd thing is I had never even seen Jesus. But I had "seen" Jesus in the heart of my brother.

Like I said Thomas was a believer but he was also discerning. I could trust that if he chose to believe there was good reason. He wasn't one given to easy persuasion. But really, more than that, what brought me to belief in Jesus was the change I saw in my brother's life and in the lives of those he touched. Thomas was always a good man, but as he spent time with Jesus listening and learning from him, he developed a depth of compassion and caring I could never have imagined. When Thomas came to me that day and said "Jesus lives" all I could say was "I know". I recognize him in you. Thanks be to God!