Trinity has announced an exciting new partnership with Joe Edwards, proprieter of the popular Blueberry Hill restaurant, and the visionary behind the revitalization of the University City Loop district. Edwards has agreed to act as a creative consultant in Trinity's effort to reach out to the Loop community, and will server as honorary "Minister of Cool".

Some of the ideas being evaluated by Mr. Edwards and the "Evangelism Community Outreach Sub-Commission Working Task Force Group Committee" are:

• Replacing the sign at the corner of Kingsland and Washington. In addition to more room for the worship schedule and announcements, the new, more colorful sign will be topped by an animated neon display reading "Goin' to the Chapel!", a reference to the classic 1964 hit by the Dixie Cups.
• Adding a vintage Wurlitzer jukebox to the Sanctuary. When the organ renovation project is complete, the jukebox lights will be wired to plusate in time with the rhythm of the organ. It will also be stocked with Karaoke versions of hundreds of hymns.
• The sanctuary walls will be decorated with memorabilia from Trinity's past, e.g.: Jesse Tree ornaments, a canoe from Montreat, the basketball backboard and net from the old gym, a pair of bell-bottoms worn by an assistant pastor in the 70's, etc.
• Edwards is negotiating with Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Chuck Berry to make an occasional appearance with the Trinity Choir, if a robe can be found that is roomy enough to allow Mr. Berry to perform his famous "duck walk" comfortably.

The Corporate Affairs Commission, continuing to prayerfully evaluate ways to balance the Trinity budget, have proposed accepting sponsorship of portions of Sunday morning worship services on a trial basis. The sponsorship will consist of brief, tasteful and discrete printed messages in the bulletin, and very limited signage in the sanctuary. Sponsorships lined up so far include:

• the AT&T Call to Prayer
• the Minute Maid Minute for Mission
• the AFLAC Affirmation of Faith
• the Meineke Discount Muffler Silent Prayer
• the Benadryl Benediction

In addition, Aquafina has been named official provider of water for the baptismal font. The commission chairperson emphasized that each sponsorship will be evaluated to ensure that it is appropriate for Trinity. For example, an offer from Viagra to sponsor the phrase "Will the congregation please rise" was not accepted.

The Adult Mission Trip team returns from Luling, Louisiana today, but the site of the next mission trip has already been determined - Forest Park Parkway. "The parkway has been closed for three years and, by golly, we're gonna get it back open again!" said Diane O'Brien. Diane will be more than happy to hear from any volunteers, but anyone who might have a bulldozer, road grader, or asphalt paving machine in their garage is especially welcome.

One of the great strengths of Trinity is the incredible diversity of professions represented by our members. Name just about any area of expertise, and chances are that Trinity has a member who is an expert in that field.

Trinity has assembled a working task group committee advisory panel to examine our statement of welcome to ensure that we will not be taken by surprise by any scientific advancements that might make anyone not specifically covered by our current statement feel unwelcome.

The Session has voted to adopt the following updated statement of welcome proposed by that group:

"We open our doors to all sentient beings to join in worship, fellowship, educational programs and service. (Anyone posessing the technology to bypass our doors by teleporting directly into the building is welcome also, although we ask that you call ahead).

We welcome into membership all who profess faith in Jesus Christ without regard to gender, race, ethnic origin, worldly condition, sexual orientation, disability, or any other human, semi-human, or robotic condition, including clones (excluding "evil twins"), time travelers, androids, cyborgs and other forms of machine intelligence (virus and spyware scans required), cryogenically frozen heads which have been attached to donor bodies and revived, those who have been given super-human traits of spiders or other animals via radioactivity experiments, lightning strikes or experimentation by mad scientists, and dolphins, apes or other intelligent animal species who have gained the ability to speak.

We elect and ordain sentient beings who are called by God and committed to serving the Lord Jesus Christ in the Church."

Trinity has had a fairly successful "small group" ministry, but it can be difficult to launch a group of even as few as 6-10 people. With that in mind, Trinity has announced a new "Very Small Groups" (VSG) ministry, focusing on groups as small as 1-3 people.

The first two groups will be "spin-offs" of the successful "FEAST" (Fellowship, Eating and Sharing Together) group. They will be called "BRUNCH" (Bi-Racial Unmarrieds and Newlyweds Cooking Hamburgers) and "SNACK" (Small Number of Adults Chatting in the Kitchen).

Other VSG's being considered are:

• "The Needlers", devoted to knitting body armor for our troops from steel wool
• "Selah!" - bible study group studying only odd-numbered Psalms
• "Psaltery Dogs" - bible study group studying only even-numbered Psalms
• "The Gospel According to Jim" - studying the spiritual and moral implications of the ABC TV show "According to Jim"
• "Leapfrogs" - for those born on February 29
• Trinity Republicans

Delmar Boulevard will be closed next Sunday for the St. Louis Marathon. In addition, Skinker will closed for the St. Louis Grand Prix, Olive for a Chinese New Year Parade, and MODOT will shut down Big Bend at Forest Park Parkway for no apparent reason. Worshippers are advised to either rent a helicopter and parachute, or come to Trinity on Saturday and spend the night. (You will not be able to park anywhere near Trinity on Saturday however, due to the semi-annual COCA "Let's Put a Big White Tent in the Parking Lot" celebration.)

"And in that time, Equipikeziah, ruler of the Equippites, son of Equipizach, put forth a call to all in the land of Equippizor to smite the warring tribe of Equippithea, for greatly did the Equippites fear their great and powerful equipment, and thus were all in Equippitea equipp-ed." - II Equippiastes: 4:13

As you know, Trinity is committed to an exciting new emphasis on equipping ministry. By focusing on equipping, we hope to equip each other to provide the equipping needs for others needing equipping, and by equipping the equippers, thereby increase the overall level of equippedness amoung the equipped equippers of our equipdom, that all may be equipped.

Equip. Equipped. Equipper. Equipping. Equipment. Equipage. Equippolence. Equiponderant. Equipotential. Equilateral. Equestrian. Equipe.

Equipping quipping bo-bipping banana fana fo-fipping fee fie mo-mipping. Equipping!

Equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping equipping.

Equipping.

Equipping!

Equipping!

Equipping!

Equipping!

Equipping!

Equipping!

Did I mention "Equipping"?

(More about Equipping in next month's Trinity News)

Suggested Food Pantry donation:

• 1 bottle of La Famiglia Di Robert Mondavi, Sangiovese, 1999
• Salad of Seasonal Greens and Herbs with creamy nauvoo bleu cheese and gruyere dressing
• Smoked Sirloin Carpaccio with shaved fennel and arugula salad in a crispy asiago basket and a drizzling of white truffle oil
• Grilled Veal Chop with truffled wild mushrooms, caramelized onion and parmesan-reggiano risotto and roasted vegetables
• Tiramisu Cheesecake - Layers of Cappuccino Marscapone Cream and Rum Soaked Lady Fingers on a Chocolate Cookie Crust

If you have a submission for next year's April 1st special edition of Trinity News, it must be submitted between 2AM and 3AM on Sunday, April 1, 2007.

(An early reminder: Daylight Saving Time begins at 2AM April 1, 2007, so remember to set your clocks ahead one hour!)